There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
