shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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