No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
