i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
