Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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