Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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