And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
