You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
