wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
