take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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