Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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