I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
