Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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