pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
