He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
