Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
