I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
