My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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