Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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