I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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