we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
this hospital has no fireball
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
