I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
