Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
