i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I deserve this hangover.
FUCK WHALES
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
