Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
its liver damage thursday
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