I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
