your parents love me but you hate me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He shit in the fireplace
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
