I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
