i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
