Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
