Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
