My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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