Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
