all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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