well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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