She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
