i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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