Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
