I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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