her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
