It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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