you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
