dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
