Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
