I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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