apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
