you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize