My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
