if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
