I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
