apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
