Non-Jews are for practice
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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