you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
