Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
