but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
