she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
