help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
